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CURRENTLY IN: WESTERN HIGHLANDS, GUATEMALA
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Sunday, July 5, 2015

Tortillas and Refried Dreams

Finish Peace Corps. Head to DC to work for a couple months as a Foreign Service Officer trainee. Jet-set to some amazing little country to do a little democracy-ing. This was my Plan A. Obviously, that didn't happen. And now I'm here, ruminating once again on my life and my choices.

I say it enough, maybe even too much, but I got lucky this time. I'm not too upset about having to wait until 2017 to apply again to the Foreign Service, I don't feel "stuck" in Guatemala (as some do), and both Peace Corps and my NGO are offering me massive amounts of professional development and work experiences I know will certainly aid me in future careers.

That said...

Guatemala is my home, but it is not my home. I feel comfortable here, but I don't think I'd stay. Of course, people do ask, but I'm honest. When I'm done as PCVL, maybe I could manage another year. Or maybe another 6 months. But I know I'd have to leave sooner or later. Or later...

My perspective has changed so much since I first arrived as a Peace Corps Volunteer 2.5 years ago. I'm a little more cautious, a little more patient, and a lot more critical of "development" work. And by critical, I mean I'm learning to move beyond the face value, feel-good image "development" inspires.

As I child, I used to look up country information in the Encyclopedia Britannica and imagine myself as an invisible traveler, winding in and out of cafes and narrow streets and tall grasslands. I always envisioned that as an adult I'd take those dreams and fashion them into reality: maybe I'd be a diplomat, or an international aid worker or even ambassador. 

Perhaps it's because I've spent the majority of my adulthood outside the United States, but those childhood dreams have started to meld into very adult considerations. Instead of jet-setting, I feel like jet-settling. Instead of winding through narrow streets and tall grasslands, I'd just as much wind down for a little bit of Netflix and a soft couch.

It seems I'm losing the wanderlust and suddenly feeling the urge to nest, US-style. But into what, exactly...I'm still unsure.

Yet I am still here in Guatemala. I have so much time left here - 10 months to be exact - and while some current Peace Corps Volunteers might be counting down the months until Close of Service, it's just the beginning for my third year. And I'm ready for what awaits me...

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